12 hours.
Typically, besides the Bible and God himself, the musical talents of others seems to touch my heart quite a lot. A song that I've meditated on for quite a while is one called "My Sweet Escape" by Run Kid Run.
This week has been somewhat trying--what with the excitement of Josiah Project beginning and the craziness that organizing all the details entails. God is good, and I'm learning to be patient and wait on the Lord. I'm so excited for the things He has. Tomorrow I travel to Ambridge, PA to start with Rock the World and the Josiah Project--a journey that God has been planning for a long time.
I find myself sometimes wondering (even though I already know the answer, but somehow can't wrap my mind around the idea) how God knew exactly what I was going to do, or what kind of opportunities He would put in front of me just to see the joy on my face when I understand how amazing His plan really is. Who would have thought that this is where I would be today? I know 4 years ago, as a mere sophomore out of high school, I wasn't even sure what I wanted to do with my life; additionally, I was pretty positive my eyes were DEFINITELY not focused where they are now. I'm amazed.
This life is short, a spec in the dunes of time. But let's be honest, who wouldn't want to spend it the way God planned it? After the past couple of months of learning and leaning on the Lord, I don't know that I could have it any other way. I'm definitely ill-qualified to be the ultimate planner of my own life. Thanks for putting it all together in ways I couldn't fathom, father. You are so wonderful. I live to praise your goodness forever.
Give Him the glory for He is GOOOOOD!
Take a looksie--
this is it, confidence is all i need
this is how you're going to save me from myself
from all that fails
i see you and me and everything in between
and i know i'm wrong but you long to
fuel the fire beneath these tired bones
as i dance this road back to you
a place of sweet escape i fell into
my everything will always sing your glory
progress, i confess is way overdue
i've been caught up in the things that i've held onto
for too long i've been alone
i'm stronger every step i take
back to you
run back to you
a place of sweet escape i fell into
a familiar taste you have made inside this refuge i can't create
all back to you
a place of sweet escape, i fell into your glory, your glory
sing hallelujah, i'll forever sing to lift you up
sing hallelujah, i'll forever sing to lift you up
you are my king
you are my king
matthew: 19:13-15
can't silence my love
love must be sincere
Friday, May 28, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
let me be clear
in addition to my first post for the day, let me clarify something.
god doesn't need me. but the greatest thing is that i know he's chosen me to be a part of his divine plan. acts 17:25 "and he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else."
i feel blessed beyond all things that the god of heaven and earth has designed me to fit and work in his creation for the glorious victory of his kingdom. wow. even through my selfishness and brokenness, this is what i was designed for. this is what god is giving me. he doesn't need to. he wants to.
i'm floored. hallelujah indeed.
god doesn't need me. but the greatest thing is that i know he's chosen me to be a part of his divine plan. acts 17:25 "and he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else."
i feel blessed beyond all things that the god of heaven and earth has designed me to fit and work in his creation for the glorious victory of his kingdom. wow. even through my selfishness and brokenness, this is what i was designed for. this is what god is giving me. he doesn't need to. he wants to.
i'm floored. hallelujah indeed.
honesty check.
[8 days.]
it's easy to say that we fall in love with god. but the truth of the matter is, day to day life seems to hide that for me. only since being home have i realized how truly caught up i am in the busy-ness that occupies so much of my time. what do i even do? shouldn't i be worshipping my creator with every breath i take? i can see how life can become purposeless without a savior or without someone and something to live for.
i'll be the first to admit that college, culture, sports, relationships, and the general splendor of this world has caught me. i've been rooted in a net that has held me at bay. away from my savior and from the awesomeness that he has created and planned for me. the saddest part is that even through the realization of it now i know i'm in the wrong, but i don't feel it. satan has figured out the best way to catch me. i'm so concerned about getting the good grades, being the fastest, playing the part of the 'best' christian, not doing the wrong things, and generally pleasing those around me. through it all--even though some of these things are good, there is clearly a selfish motive. i'm looking to satisfy myself through merit or conquering 'temptations'. but really all that i've done is just tried to keep out of the red. i'm trying to save myself from eternal damnation. is that what i should be doing?
god's grace is awesome. he has saved me through his son. he is wonderful and has given me this life. shouldn't i be over myself? come on, seriously? i'm concerned about how fast i'll go in the next meet, or making a good shot, or getting an A in a class. what is wrong with this picture? i'm doing the bare minimum when it comes to god. he's given and given and given. and i've taken and taken and taken.
this summer isn't about redeeming myself. i don't want it to be. of course i want to redeem my bad behavior that has plagued my relationship with christ, but i don't think that god wants me to work myself up and to grovel. he knows i'm broken and lost. the funny thing is i think he wants me to show that i'm sorry and lost and broken by living out the life he's laid out. i want this summer to be about me doing what god has called me to do. i want this to be about finding the heart of the father. learning to love back. since when have i actually loved? people say a relationship is about giving and taking. who coined that? shouldn't it be about giving? god gives. i give back. i accept with loving arms the gifts he's given--but in doing so, i accept by extending those gifts to others. i'm so angry that i've fallen into the trap.
oh god, your mercies are new every morning. break my heart for you, and show me how to love. show me to step out of my selfishness and my conceit. i want to be lost in your love. i want to love with wreckless abandon. you are the king, not me.
francis chan has written an amazing book, crazy love. i've been slowly going over the saturated pages, realizing that it will take me so much time to dissect what he's saying. he nails my sin on the head. of course, god shows me mercy, and is good. this is what i read today:
"When you are truly in love, you go to great lengths to be with the one you love. You'll drive for hours to be together, even if it's only for a short while. You don't mind staying up late to talk. Walking in the rain is romantic, not annoying. You'll willingly spend a small fortune on the one you're crazy about. When you are apart from each other, it's painful, even miserable. He or she is all you think about; you jump at any chance to be together...The critical question for our generation--and for every generation--is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there? How many of us will read these words and say, 'you know, I just might be okay with that'? if you are as deeply in love with God as you think you are, you know you could never be satisfied in a heaven without Christ."
i pray that my faith and my relationship don't get so low as to want a heaven without a Christ.
wouldn't you know--this was also in my devotionals today:
"These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachigns are but rules taught by men...Don't you see that whatever enters teh mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander." Matthew 15:8-9, 17-19
lord, i seek after you. i seek to love you, and give to you. set my heart ablaze for you and what you want.
it's easy to say that we fall in love with god. but the truth of the matter is, day to day life seems to hide that for me. only since being home have i realized how truly caught up i am in the busy-ness that occupies so much of my time. what do i even do? shouldn't i be worshipping my creator with every breath i take? i can see how life can become purposeless without a savior or without someone and something to live for.
i'll be the first to admit that college, culture, sports, relationships, and the general splendor of this world has caught me. i've been rooted in a net that has held me at bay. away from my savior and from the awesomeness that he has created and planned for me. the saddest part is that even through the realization of it now i know i'm in the wrong, but i don't feel it. satan has figured out the best way to catch me. i'm so concerned about getting the good grades, being the fastest, playing the part of the 'best' christian, not doing the wrong things, and generally pleasing those around me. through it all--even though some of these things are good, there is clearly a selfish motive. i'm looking to satisfy myself through merit or conquering 'temptations'. but really all that i've done is just tried to keep out of the red. i'm trying to save myself from eternal damnation. is that what i should be doing?
god's grace is awesome. he has saved me through his son. he is wonderful and has given me this life. shouldn't i be over myself? come on, seriously? i'm concerned about how fast i'll go in the next meet, or making a good shot, or getting an A in a class. what is wrong with this picture? i'm doing the bare minimum when it comes to god. he's given and given and given. and i've taken and taken and taken.
this summer isn't about redeeming myself. i don't want it to be. of course i want to redeem my bad behavior that has plagued my relationship with christ, but i don't think that god wants me to work myself up and to grovel. he knows i'm broken and lost. the funny thing is i think he wants me to show that i'm sorry and lost and broken by living out the life he's laid out. i want this summer to be about me doing what god has called me to do. i want this to be about finding the heart of the father. learning to love back. since when have i actually loved? people say a relationship is about giving and taking. who coined that? shouldn't it be about giving? god gives. i give back. i accept with loving arms the gifts he's given--but in doing so, i accept by extending those gifts to others. i'm so angry that i've fallen into the trap.
oh god, your mercies are new every morning. break my heart for you, and show me how to love. show me to step out of my selfishness and my conceit. i want to be lost in your love. i want to love with wreckless abandon. you are the king, not me.
francis chan has written an amazing book, crazy love. i've been slowly going over the saturated pages, realizing that it will take me so much time to dissect what he's saying. he nails my sin on the head. of course, god shows me mercy, and is good. this is what i read today:
"When you are truly in love, you go to great lengths to be with the one you love. You'll drive for hours to be together, even if it's only for a short while. You don't mind staying up late to talk. Walking in the rain is romantic, not annoying. You'll willingly spend a small fortune on the one you're crazy about. When you are apart from each other, it's painful, even miserable. He or she is all you think about; you jump at any chance to be together...The critical question for our generation--and for every generation--is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there? How many of us will read these words and say, 'you know, I just might be okay with that'? if you are as deeply in love with God as you think you are, you know you could never be satisfied in a heaven without Christ."
i pray that my faith and my relationship don't get so low as to want a heaven without a Christ.
wouldn't you know--this was also in my devotionals today:
"These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachigns are but rules taught by men...Don't you see that whatever enters teh mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander." Matthew 15:8-9, 17-19
lord, i seek after you. i seek to love you, and give to you. set my heart ablaze for you and what you want.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
hello hurricane
here goes...
this summer i'm diving into a brand new adventure. god has been so good. i've been given the opportunity to learn and to serve in different contexts and atmospheres that will surely shape the life i hope to lead someday. the countdown is on. in 11 days i will be embarking upon all sorts of challenges and blessings from our sweet father. this summer is about learning and trusting the lord. rock the world has given me the chance to work in urban, youth and cross-cultural missions this summer. i'm pumped for every part of it! i'm stepping away from the usual summer experience--a swim coach/summer camp counselor. i won't even be training for next season this summer (which is also a crazy new experience all in itself). i'm on the edge and i'm ready to go!
this is my blog--so you can follow what i'm doing this summer. i would really appreciate your prayers and any financial gifts you can offer me--i'll most likely still be fundraising throughout the summer. you can give online at rock the world's website http://www.rocktheworld.org/, selecting the josiah project as the donation type--be sure to put AF17 in the memo line!
now that the logistics are out of the way, i'd like to share. i've been listening to a lot of switchfoot lately and this song has just hit me hard. this is what i hope to learn this summer--and really, for the rest of my life. i hope this helps you a little too. thanks jon foreman. you're a pretty sweet dude.
i've been watching the skies
they've been turning blood red
not a doubt in my mind anymore
there's a storm up ahead
hello hurricane
you're not enough
hello hurricane
you can't silence my love
i've got doors and windows boarded up
all your dead and fury is not enough
you can't silence my love
everything i have i count as loss
everything i have is stripped away
before i started building i counted up theses costs
there's nothing left for you to take away
hello hurricane
you're not enough
hello hurricane
you can't silence my love
i've got doors and windows boarded up
all your dead and fury is not enough
you can't silence my love
this is the anthem of my soul. that nothing will be able to silence my love for the lord or for his people. this is what i pray that god will show me this summer, and for the rest of my life. how to expect the unexpected attacks and to stand firm. to show that nothing can silence my love--or Christ's love for the lost. this is where we're headed. there's a storm up ahead--will you let it silence your love?
matthew 4:19-22
this summer i'm diving into a brand new adventure. god has been so good. i've been given the opportunity to learn and to serve in different contexts and atmospheres that will surely shape the life i hope to lead someday. the countdown is on. in 11 days i will be embarking upon all sorts of challenges and blessings from our sweet father. this summer is about learning and trusting the lord. rock the world has given me the chance to work in urban, youth and cross-cultural missions this summer. i'm pumped for every part of it! i'm stepping away from the usual summer experience--a swim coach/summer camp counselor. i won't even be training for next season this summer (which is also a crazy new experience all in itself). i'm on the edge and i'm ready to go!
this is my blog--so you can follow what i'm doing this summer. i would really appreciate your prayers and any financial gifts you can offer me--i'll most likely still be fundraising throughout the summer. you can give online at rock the world's website http://www.rocktheworld.org/, selecting the josiah project as the donation type--be sure to put AF17 in the memo line!
now that the logistics are out of the way, i'd like to share. i've been listening to a lot of switchfoot lately and this song has just hit me hard. this is what i hope to learn this summer--and really, for the rest of my life. i hope this helps you a little too. thanks jon foreman. you're a pretty sweet dude.
i've been watching the skies
they've been turning blood red
not a doubt in my mind anymore
there's a storm up ahead
hello hurricane
you're not enough
hello hurricane
you can't silence my love
i've got doors and windows boarded up
all your dead and fury is not enough
you can't silence my love
everything i have i count as loss
everything i have is stripped away
before i started building i counted up theses costs
there's nothing left for you to take away
hello hurricane
you're not enough
hello hurricane
you can't silence my love
i've got doors and windows boarded up
all your dead and fury is not enough
you can't silence my love
this is the anthem of my soul. that nothing will be able to silence my love for the lord or for his people. this is what i pray that god will show me this summer, and for the rest of my life. how to expect the unexpected attacks and to stand firm. to show that nothing can silence my love--or Christ's love for the lost. this is where we're headed. there's a storm up ahead--will you let it silence your love?
matthew 4:19-22
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