June 23, 2011
I sat on the ground with 5 bodies huddled around me. Each smile and laugh unique to a beautiful child with an incredible heart. I’m not a “children’s ministry” person. Shocking that what I felt God leading me to this summer was an orphanage 8500 miles from my home, family, and friends. I’ve learned a lot since being here—God has pushed and pulled me like a piece of taffy in order to mold me into something I thought I couldn’t be.
The truth is, kids are exhausting, no matter where you are. They poop, the hit each other, the make obnoxious noise and sometimes they’re just downright annoying. Patience has become my song. I’m not too good at it, but I’m learning. Today I spent my day at the second house—I live at the first house where most of the kids are housed. I go to the other house Tuesdays and Thursdays to read a Bible story and to do Bible study with the Tias. I’ve come to the realization that God knows exactly what we need even when we have no idea what we need (or want). I sat in a chair outside as the kids began to run around and all of a sudden I feel little fingers underneath my hand. There, in front of me, stands Felipe. A beautiful 3 year old boy with the cutest voice in the world. He says to me—“carregare!” or “pick me up!” Who could resist?
Felipe sat in my lap for a good half an hour and if I didn’t need to stand up, I’m sure he would have been there longer. I asked every few minutes if he wanted to play but he said no and resumed his position—head on my chest, arms wrapped around my waist. Every now and then he’d look up and give me a kiss on the cheek. It’s hard for me to believe that Felipe needed to sit on my lap, or that he really wanted to be there. I, of course, LOVED having him sit there. I found myself thinking—God knows I just need a hug right now, I just need to have this kid sit in my lap and lay his head on my chest. God knows that Felipe needed me to cuddle with him. As simple as that is, and as lame as it may sound, it was a peaceful, beautiful moment.
Later, we took the kids for a walk around the block to just take a peek outside of their corner of the house. Dancing and laughter literally filled the street as we walked around. Every second was full of questions—“what’s that? who’s car is that? where are we going?” Danny, another ridiculously adorable 3 year old ran to me and wrapped his hand around my finger as we walked. Yet again I was filled with peace and love—the kind that can only come from God through a 3 year old .
I’m overwhelmed. To tell you the truth, I don’t think I want to be anything else. Rika says that when you’re overwhelmed that’s when you learn to let God be in complete control—because you clearly can’t be. I’m learning to live overwhelmed—in every way. Overwhelmed by God’s grace, peace, love and gifts to me and overwhelmed by His presence in this place and in my life. This is the way to live—to be so immersed in Him that there is no other way to live. To see life as a challenge in which the only way we can get through is to have God lead the way. I can tell you that prior to coming to Mozambique my life was fueled by trying to perform, impress, and succeed on my own. Whether it was to boast, to gain some kind of image, or to make someone proud of me, it was not the way to live. Here’s the deal: you’re never going to be perfect. You’re going to disappoint someone at some point. You can’t do everything, and you certainly can’t do it alone. My life—and I think most of our lives—are full of aspirations to do our best for the glory of ourselves. Take a second and think about what you did this past week that really brought glory to God and was not primarily for your benefit.
Living overwhelmed means that everything you do goes to the glory of God because there is absolutely no way you could do it on your own. No. way. My lesson: I’m not a children’s ministry person, yet here I am, at an orphanage with all sorts of crazy kids and yet God is being glorified. Kids are getting their cuddle time, and I’m learning to love them the way Jesus does. There isn’t any other explanation for it than to say that Jesus is King, and He has a plan for each of us.
Another thing I’ve been overwhelmed by is the disicipleship that we’ve started. I work with the Tias during nap time. We’re reading through the book of James. The church here is mostly the “health and wealth” gospel which distorts the truth. As we’ve begun reading, I’ve seen God show me how to explain being a servant, showing what it means to have faith through a storm, and what we really need to look at when we go through trials. It’s difficult to minister to women who are twice your age, and have had MUCH more difficult lives. Yet, I’m being ministered to through hearing their stories. It has taken a little while, but today I finally started to learn a little bit about each woman. Abandonment, doubt, separation, loneliness, and loss have characterized most of their lives and yet, here they are. Beautiful, incredible women. I was so thankful for them today.
I’ve found my place here. It’s taken a little while to figure out what I’m doing, and what kind of impact I’m going to make and what I can practically do to minister—but I’ve let that go. Who cares?! Jesus just wants to spend time with us. That’s all he wants. God doesn’t care about my ministry. God cares about me. God cares about you. When we see that and when we learn to care for each other and become overwhelmed with His love for us we see His hands at work.
Nothing I do will “make an impact”. It’s Jesus that makes the impact. Be overwhelmed by that.
can't silence my love
love must be sincere
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Father's Day
June 19, 2011
Fathers Day.
Today was children’s church. Last year we did house church with the adults, but this year the Boersma’s have felt that God has called them to be ministering to the children. Church is for the kids. We started off the morning with singing and an assortment of instruments that the kids played. Following some incredible rhythms and voices was an activity meant to help the kids learn about prayer.
Each child was given a piece of paper with a drawing of a kid praying and a thinking bubble above the kid. They were instructed to color what they wanted to pray for—it could be one of the tias, their friends, a new house, whatever they wanted.
As we finished each child gave their prayer requests. Some were for a new house, some were for their friends or family that they missed or couldn’t find (some of these kids are lost), and others were for the tias and Papa Pieter and Mama Rika. Pieter gave a short lesson on how we can pray and why we pray. We should pray for the Holy Spirit in our lives and that Jesus will always be with us. It doesn’t matter where we pray or how we pray, God hears us.
After the lesson, one of the girls, Aida, came to Rika and said, “I want to go home.” She gave a list of information—her parent’s names, an aunt’s name, her school’s name, which neighborhood she lived in—and said she wanted to go home today. Aida has been at All Nations for a year and a half. It takes kids a long time to process when they get lost. At one point last year Aida had told Rika that she never wanted to go home. Today, she gave all this information. Something in the message this morning clicked in her mind. It was time to go home.
All the children that are here are not here by choice. They are either abandoned or lost or given over by social welfare. Some of them don’t know where they came from. Others forget and then remember. Some will be here for life, and others will be adopted. God has a plan for each one.
The thing is none of us did anything to get Aida to explain where she was from or what her house looked like or who her parents were. God spoke to her, and in her heart she finally felt ready to say she wanted to return home. Most parents give up on finding their lost children—they’re either dead or have been sold into the sex trade. To get a child back after a year and a half is a miracle. Rika and Pieter have seen it happen a couple times and the families are full of joy. God does something in each of our hearts when something happens like this. I see God being a master planner, a healer, and a gift giver. Who knows how God touched Aida, but she’s ready to go home.
The plan now is to get in touch with her family and hopefully they will be there. I’m overwhelmed by how great God is and how much He loves each one of us.
Each night I make myself dinner and hang out with the Boersmas while the kids are taking baths/watching a movie/falling asleep. From time to time I’ll head downstairs to hang out with the kids. I usually go down to give them a kiss goodnight too. Tonight I went to hang out with them while they were watching Barney.
Joao, who was brand new when I was here last year, was sitting quietly in his chair when he fell out and bumped his teeth. I picked him up. Joao is an interesting kid. He’s probably around 2, and very quiet. He doesn’t really play with the other kids and almost never smiles. He hangs out in the kitchen while everybody else is playing outside and he will NEVER stop crying when Mama Gloria (one of the tias) is around. Mama Gloria isn’t around on the weekends, but you never hear Joao crying then. Since the last time I was here it looked as though Joao had made no emotional progress whatsoever. It is rare when his face is not drenched in tears. So, as per usual, he was crying again. I don’t know why, but this time he let me pick him up. Usually he doesn’t want anybody to touch him. I picked him up and I brought him upstairs.
The upstairs of the orphanage is home to the Boersmas, so most of the kids are not allowed upstairs unless they’re called up or brought up. It’s a real treat to have time upstairs.
I brought Joao into the family room where Pieter, Rika, and Pedro were playing Catan. I gave Joao some stacking rings and a squeaky turtle to play with. He stopped crying and all of a sudden was stacking rings. I started to play with him. A smile grew. Then laughter. Then he started to share the toys with me. We made lots of noise together.
Sometimes all we need is a hug or someone to play with. With kids, attention is such a necessity and Joao’s attitude completely changed with some one-on-one time. Finally he started to get antsy and I asked him if he was ready to go to bed. With a smile on his face, he shook his head “Yes”. We walked downstairs, and I tucked him in. He closed his eyes with that smile still on his face.
God is good. All the time.
Fathers Day.
Today was children’s church. Last year we did house church with the adults, but this year the Boersma’s have felt that God has called them to be ministering to the children. Church is for the kids. We started off the morning with singing and an assortment of instruments that the kids played. Following some incredible rhythms and voices was an activity meant to help the kids learn about prayer.
Each child was given a piece of paper with a drawing of a kid praying and a thinking bubble above the kid. They were instructed to color what they wanted to pray for—it could be one of the tias, their friends, a new house, whatever they wanted.
As we finished each child gave their prayer requests. Some were for a new house, some were for their friends or family that they missed or couldn’t find (some of these kids are lost), and others were for the tias and Papa Pieter and Mama Rika. Pieter gave a short lesson on how we can pray and why we pray. We should pray for the Holy Spirit in our lives and that Jesus will always be with us. It doesn’t matter where we pray or how we pray, God hears us.
After the lesson, one of the girls, Aida, came to Rika and said, “I want to go home.” She gave a list of information—her parent’s names, an aunt’s name, her school’s name, which neighborhood she lived in—and said she wanted to go home today. Aida has been at All Nations for a year and a half. It takes kids a long time to process when they get lost. At one point last year Aida had told Rika that she never wanted to go home. Today, she gave all this information. Something in the message this morning clicked in her mind. It was time to go home.
All the children that are here are not here by choice. They are either abandoned or lost or given over by social welfare. Some of them don’t know where they came from. Others forget and then remember. Some will be here for life, and others will be adopted. God has a plan for each one.
The thing is none of us did anything to get Aida to explain where she was from or what her house looked like or who her parents were. God spoke to her, and in her heart she finally felt ready to say she wanted to return home. Most parents give up on finding their lost children—they’re either dead or have been sold into the sex trade. To get a child back after a year and a half is a miracle. Rika and Pieter have seen it happen a couple times and the families are full of joy. God does something in each of our hearts when something happens like this. I see God being a master planner, a healer, and a gift giver. Who knows how God touched Aida, but she’s ready to go home.
The plan now is to get in touch with her family and hopefully they will be there. I’m overwhelmed by how great God is and how much He loves each one of us.
Each night I make myself dinner and hang out with the Boersmas while the kids are taking baths/watching a movie/falling asleep. From time to time I’ll head downstairs to hang out with the kids. I usually go down to give them a kiss goodnight too. Tonight I went to hang out with them while they were watching Barney.
Joao, who was brand new when I was here last year, was sitting quietly in his chair when he fell out and bumped his teeth. I picked him up. Joao is an interesting kid. He’s probably around 2, and very quiet. He doesn’t really play with the other kids and almost never smiles. He hangs out in the kitchen while everybody else is playing outside and he will NEVER stop crying when Mama Gloria (one of the tias) is around. Mama Gloria isn’t around on the weekends, but you never hear Joao crying then. Since the last time I was here it looked as though Joao had made no emotional progress whatsoever. It is rare when his face is not drenched in tears. So, as per usual, he was crying again. I don’t know why, but this time he let me pick him up. Usually he doesn’t want anybody to touch him. I picked him up and I brought him upstairs.
The upstairs of the orphanage is home to the Boersmas, so most of the kids are not allowed upstairs unless they’re called up or brought up. It’s a real treat to have time upstairs.
I brought Joao into the family room where Pieter, Rika, and Pedro were playing Catan. I gave Joao some stacking rings and a squeaky turtle to play with. He stopped crying and all of a sudden was stacking rings. I started to play with him. A smile grew. Then laughter. Then he started to share the toys with me. We made lots of noise together.
Sometimes all we need is a hug or someone to play with. With kids, attention is such a necessity and Joao’s attitude completely changed with some one-on-one time. Finally he started to get antsy and I asked him if he was ready to go to bed. With a smile on his face, he shook his head “Yes”. We walked downstairs, and I tucked him in. He closed his eyes with that smile still on his face.
God is good. All the time.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
children's day and others
unfortunately, i might not actually be able to post pictures. it's difficult to upload them because of the internet connection. will try again another day. :(
growing up is hard to do.
this is actually from june 2, because it's hard to get internet around here and i get really really busy. but pictures and further updates will follow. i promise.
June 2, 2011
Growing Up is Hard to Do.
On Saturday we left Mozambique to go to South Africa for a monthly supply trip. Sunday morning we went shopping for some supplies and I tried to get money out but wasn’t able to. My travel card had been rejected at each ATM. Frustration had set in. We got to one last ATM and I put my card in only to have the machine freeze on me with the card inside . My only form of money had just been lost. I fell against the ATM machine and half laughed and half cried. One thing after another it seems here. God is always good though and things always work out for our good. I started to pray. New thing for me. I pray a lot but now it seems that I’m praying “without ceasing”. After several minutes on the phone with the bank who owned the ATM they said they could come the next day but at that point my card would be gone and I would be without money for the rest of the summer.
Rika (one of the missionaries I’m staying with) ended up walking around the back/outside of the machines only to find people putting money in them. They pulled out my card with a little bit of begging. Hallelujah!!! After that and a very stressful 7:30 AM phone call to my parents to try and figure out what was wrong with my card we were back at Petra College (the hotel where we stayed).
I spent my afternoon and evening sort of arguing with Pieter (the other missionary) about theology and missions. To say that this guy shakes my faith a little is an understatement. I ended up questioning a lot of what I believed in and of course ended up in tears for the second time that day. Luckily their friend, Riet was there to listen to my concerns about mission work. Money right now has been my biggest concern. I’m not one to ask people for money—in fact, I really don’t like to ask people for money. A big lesson I’m learning here is that God provides. He really does. Let’s look at the past week here: airline misplaces my bag with my clothes in it, it was returned to me the next day with nothing missing; I lose my ATM card in a machine on a SUNDAY with no hope of getting it back or even getting money out, men happened to be putting money in the machine as I was crying to try and get my card out.
My fears are one thing I have to tackle here. I’m not really afraid of leaving my family or being in a strange place but rather doing it alone; I’m not afraid of doing the work that God has called me to do, but rather whether or not the work will be effective. I tend to be a people pleaser when it comes to missions and most other things. I don’t like to have people upset with me, but there’s a saying that Rika and I found on Monday morning: “I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn’t look too promising.” God has a really good sense of humor. While I’m here I want to bless the missionaries and bless the children. It’s hard to do that when there’s so much to be done, I don’t speak the language and I can’t communicate properly with the kids. When something goes wrong I feel really guilty. Riet tried to work through some of that with me. Performance has been something God has been working on with me for a while. It’s been difficult to break.
Right now, I'm working through the things that have been most damaging in my life. It's hard to minister when you're in a place where you have nothing to give. Mozambique is one of the most spiritually dark places in the world--and I seem to have been stripped of everything that i used as a security blanket. Being emptied means being able to be filled again. I'm praying that I will be filled to overflow and that none of it will have my name on it.
pictures soon!
June 2, 2011
Growing Up is Hard to Do.
On Saturday we left Mozambique to go to South Africa for a monthly supply trip. Sunday morning we went shopping for some supplies and I tried to get money out but wasn’t able to. My travel card had been rejected at each ATM. Frustration had set in. We got to one last ATM and I put my card in only to have the machine freeze on me with the card inside . My only form of money had just been lost. I fell against the ATM machine and half laughed and half cried. One thing after another it seems here. God is always good though and things always work out for our good. I started to pray. New thing for me. I pray a lot but now it seems that I’m praying “without ceasing”. After several minutes on the phone with the bank who owned the ATM they said they could come the next day but at that point my card would be gone and I would be without money for the rest of the summer.
Rika (one of the missionaries I’m staying with) ended up walking around the back/outside of the machines only to find people putting money in them. They pulled out my card with a little bit of begging. Hallelujah!!! After that and a very stressful 7:30 AM phone call to my parents to try and figure out what was wrong with my card we were back at Petra College (the hotel where we stayed).
I spent my afternoon and evening sort of arguing with Pieter (the other missionary) about theology and missions. To say that this guy shakes my faith a little is an understatement. I ended up questioning a lot of what I believed in and of course ended up in tears for the second time that day. Luckily their friend, Riet was there to listen to my concerns about mission work. Money right now has been my biggest concern. I’m not one to ask people for money—in fact, I really don’t like to ask people for money. A big lesson I’m learning here is that God provides. He really does. Let’s look at the past week here: airline misplaces my bag with my clothes in it, it was returned to me the next day with nothing missing; I lose my ATM card in a machine on a SUNDAY with no hope of getting it back or even getting money out, men happened to be putting money in the machine as I was crying to try and get my card out.
My fears are one thing I have to tackle here. I’m not really afraid of leaving my family or being in a strange place but rather doing it alone; I’m not afraid of doing the work that God has called me to do, but rather whether or not the work will be effective. I tend to be a people pleaser when it comes to missions and most other things. I don’t like to have people upset with me, but there’s a saying that Rika and I found on Monday morning: “I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn’t look too promising.” God has a really good sense of humor. While I’m here I want to bless the missionaries and bless the children. It’s hard to do that when there’s so much to be done, I don’t speak the language and I can’t communicate properly with the kids. When something goes wrong I feel really guilty. Riet tried to work through some of that with me. Performance has been something God has been working on with me for a while. It’s been difficult to break.
Right now, I'm working through the things that have been most damaging in my life. It's hard to minister when you're in a place where you have nothing to give. Mozambique is one of the most spiritually dark places in the world--and I seem to have been stripped of everything that i used as a security blanket. Being emptied means being able to be filled again. I'm praying that I will be filled to overflow and that none of it will have my name on it.
pictures soon!
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