June 23, 2011
I sat on the ground with 5 bodies huddled around me. Each smile and laugh unique to a beautiful child with an incredible heart. I’m not a “children’s ministry” person. Shocking that what I felt God leading me to this summer was an orphanage 8500 miles from my home, family, and friends. I’ve learned a lot since being here—God has pushed and pulled me like a piece of taffy in order to mold me into something I thought I couldn’t be.
The truth is, kids are exhausting, no matter where you are. They poop, the hit each other, the make obnoxious noise and sometimes they’re just downright annoying. Patience has become my song. I’m not too good at it, but I’m learning. Today I spent my day at the second house—I live at the first house where most of the kids are housed. I go to the other house Tuesdays and Thursdays to read a Bible story and to do Bible study with the Tias. I’ve come to the realization that God knows exactly what we need even when we have no idea what we need (or want). I sat in a chair outside as the kids began to run around and all of a sudden I feel little fingers underneath my hand. There, in front of me, stands Felipe. A beautiful 3 year old boy with the cutest voice in the world. He says to me—“carregare!” or “pick me up!” Who could resist?
Felipe sat in my lap for a good half an hour and if I didn’t need to stand up, I’m sure he would have been there longer. I asked every few minutes if he wanted to play but he said no and resumed his position—head on my chest, arms wrapped around my waist. Every now and then he’d look up and give me a kiss on the cheek. It’s hard for me to believe that Felipe needed to sit on my lap, or that he really wanted to be there. I, of course, LOVED having him sit there. I found myself thinking—God knows I just need a hug right now, I just need to have this kid sit in my lap and lay his head on my chest. God knows that Felipe needed me to cuddle with him. As simple as that is, and as lame as it may sound, it was a peaceful, beautiful moment.
Later, we took the kids for a walk around the block to just take a peek outside of their corner of the house. Dancing and laughter literally filled the street as we walked around. Every second was full of questions—“what’s that? who’s car is that? where are we going?” Danny, another ridiculously adorable 3 year old ran to me and wrapped his hand around my finger as we walked. Yet again I was filled with peace and love—the kind that can only come from God through a 3 year old .
I’m overwhelmed. To tell you the truth, I don’t think I want to be anything else. Rika says that when you’re overwhelmed that’s when you learn to let God be in complete control—because you clearly can’t be. I’m learning to live overwhelmed—in every way. Overwhelmed by God’s grace, peace, love and gifts to me and overwhelmed by His presence in this place and in my life. This is the way to live—to be so immersed in Him that there is no other way to live. To see life as a challenge in which the only way we can get through is to have God lead the way. I can tell you that prior to coming to Mozambique my life was fueled by trying to perform, impress, and succeed on my own. Whether it was to boast, to gain some kind of image, or to make someone proud of me, it was not the way to live. Here’s the deal: you’re never going to be perfect. You’re going to disappoint someone at some point. You can’t do everything, and you certainly can’t do it alone. My life—and I think most of our lives—are full of aspirations to do our best for the glory of ourselves. Take a second and think about what you did this past week that really brought glory to God and was not primarily for your benefit.
Living overwhelmed means that everything you do goes to the glory of God because there is absolutely no way you could do it on your own. No. way. My lesson: I’m not a children’s ministry person, yet here I am, at an orphanage with all sorts of crazy kids and yet God is being glorified. Kids are getting their cuddle time, and I’m learning to love them the way Jesus does. There isn’t any other explanation for it than to say that Jesus is King, and He has a plan for each of us.
Another thing I’ve been overwhelmed by is the disicipleship that we’ve started. I work with the Tias during nap time. We’re reading through the book of James. The church here is mostly the “health and wealth” gospel which distorts the truth. As we’ve begun reading, I’ve seen God show me how to explain being a servant, showing what it means to have faith through a storm, and what we really need to look at when we go through trials. It’s difficult to minister to women who are twice your age, and have had MUCH more difficult lives. Yet, I’m being ministered to through hearing their stories. It has taken a little while, but today I finally started to learn a little bit about each woman. Abandonment, doubt, separation, loneliness, and loss have characterized most of their lives and yet, here they are. Beautiful, incredible women. I was so thankful for them today.
I’ve found my place here. It’s taken a little while to figure out what I’m doing, and what kind of impact I’m going to make and what I can practically do to minister—but I’ve let that go. Who cares?! Jesus just wants to spend time with us. That’s all he wants. God doesn’t care about my ministry. God cares about me. God cares about you. When we see that and when we learn to care for each other and become overwhelmed with His love for us we see His hands at work.
Nothing I do will “make an impact”. It’s Jesus that makes the impact. Be overwhelmed by that.
can't silence my love
love must be sincere
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Father's Day
June 19, 2011
Fathers Day.
Today was children’s church. Last year we did house church with the adults, but this year the Boersma’s have felt that God has called them to be ministering to the children. Church is for the kids. We started off the morning with singing and an assortment of instruments that the kids played. Following some incredible rhythms and voices was an activity meant to help the kids learn about prayer.
Each child was given a piece of paper with a drawing of a kid praying and a thinking bubble above the kid. They were instructed to color what they wanted to pray for—it could be one of the tias, their friends, a new house, whatever they wanted.
As we finished each child gave their prayer requests. Some were for a new house, some were for their friends or family that they missed or couldn’t find (some of these kids are lost), and others were for the tias and Papa Pieter and Mama Rika. Pieter gave a short lesson on how we can pray and why we pray. We should pray for the Holy Spirit in our lives and that Jesus will always be with us. It doesn’t matter where we pray or how we pray, God hears us.
After the lesson, one of the girls, Aida, came to Rika and said, “I want to go home.” She gave a list of information—her parent’s names, an aunt’s name, her school’s name, which neighborhood she lived in—and said she wanted to go home today. Aida has been at All Nations for a year and a half. It takes kids a long time to process when they get lost. At one point last year Aida had told Rika that she never wanted to go home. Today, she gave all this information. Something in the message this morning clicked in her mind. It was time to go home.
All the children that are here are not here by choice. They are either abandoned or lost or given over by social welfare. Some of them don’t know where they came from. Others forget and then remember. Some will be here for life, and others will be adopted. God has a plan for each one.
The thing is none of us did anything to get Aida to explain where she was from or what her house looked like or who her parents were. God spoke to her, and in her heart she finally felt ready to say she wanted to return home. Most parents give up on finding their lost children—they’re either dead or have been sold into the sex trade. To get a child back after a year and a half is a miracle. Rika and Pieter have seen it happen a couple times and the families are full of joy. God does something in each of our hearts when something happens like this. I see God being a master planner, a healer, and a gift giver. Who knows how God touched Aida, but she’s ready to go home.
The plan now is to get in touch with her family and hopefully they will be there. I’m overwhelmed by how great God is and how much He loves each one of us.
Each night I make myself dinner and hang out with the Boersmas while the kids are taking baths/watching a movie/falling asleep. From time to time I’ll head downstairs to hang out with the kids. I usually go down to give them a kiss goodnight too. Tonight I went to hang out with them while they were watching Barney.
Joao, who was brand new when I was here last year, was sitting quietly in his chair when he fell out and bumped his teeth. I picked him up. Joao is an interesting kid. He’s probably around 2, and very quiet. He doesn’t really play with the other kids and almost never smiles. He hangs out in the kitchen while everybody else is playing outside and he will NEVER stop crying when Mama Gloria (one of the tias) is around. Mama Gloria isn’t around on the weekends, but you never hear Joao crying then. Since the last time I was here it looked as though Joao had made no emotional progress whatsoever. It is rare when his face is not drenched in tears. So, as per usual, he was crying again. I don’t know why, but this time he let me pick him up. Usually he doesn’t want anybody to touch him. I picked him up and I brought him upstairs.
The upstairs of the orphanage is home to the Boersmas, so most of the kids are not allowed upstairs unless they’re called up or brought up. It’s a real treat to have time upstairs.
I brought Joao into the family room where Pieter, Rika, and Pedro were playing Catan. I gave Joao some stacking rings and a squeaky turtle to play with. He stopped crying and all of a sudden was stacking rings. I started to play with him. A smile grew. Then laughter. Then he started to share the toys with me. We made lots of noise together.
Sometimes all we need is a hug or someone to play with. With kids, attention is such a necessity and Joao’s attitude completely changed with some one-on-one time. Finally he started to get antsy and I asked him if he was ready to go to bed. With a smile on his face, he shook his head “Yes”. We walked downstairs, and I tucked him in. He closed his eyes with that smile still on his face.
God is good. All the time.
Fathers Day.
Today was children’s church. Last year we did house church with the adults, but this year the Boersma’s have felt that God has called them to be ministering to the children. Church is for the kids. We started off the morning with singing and an assortment of instruments that the kids played. Following some incredible rhythms and voices was an activity meant to help the kids learn about prayer.
Each child was given a piece of paper with a drawing of a kid praying and a thinking bubble above the kid. They were instructed to color what they wanted to pray for—it could be one of the tias, their friends, a new house, whatever they wanted.
As we finished each child gave their prayer requests. Some were for a new house, some were for their friends or family that they missed or couldn’t find (some of these kids are lost), and others were for the tias and Papa Pieter and Mama Rika. Pieter gave a short lesson on how we can pray and why we pray. We should pray for the Holy Spirit in our lives and that Jesus will always be with us. It doesn’t matter where we pray or how we pray, God hears us.
After the lesson, one of the girls, Aida, came to Rika and said, “I want to go home.” She gave a list of information—her parent’s names, an aunt’s name, her school’s name, which neighborhood she lived in—and said she wanted to go home today. Aida has been at All Nations for a year and a half. It takes kids a long time to process when they get lost. At one point last year Aida had told Rika that she never wanted to go home. Today, she gave all this information. Something in the message this morning clicked in her mind. It was time to go home.
All the children that are here are not here by choice. They are either abandoned or lost or given over by social welfare. Some of them don’t know where they came from. Others forget and then remember. Some will be here for life, and others will be adopted. God has a plan for each one.
The thing is none of us did anything to get Aida to explain where she was from or what her house looked like or who her parents were. God spoke to her, and in her heart she finally felt ready to say she wanted to return home. Most parents give up on finding their lost children—they’re either dead or have been sold into the sex trade. To get a child back after a year and a half is a miracle. Rika and Pieter have seen it happen a couple times and the families are full of joy. God does something in each of our hearts when something happens like this. I see God being a master planner, a healer, and a gift giver. Who knows how God touched Aida, but she’s ready to go home.
The plan now is to get in touch with her family and hopefully they will be there. I’m overwhelmed by how great God is and how much He loves each one of us.
Each night I make myself dinner and hang out with the Boersmas while the kids are taking baths/watching a movie/falling asleep. From time to time I’ll head downstairs to hang out with the kids. I usually go down to give them a kiss goodnight too. Tonight I went to hang out with them while they were watching Barney.
Joao, who was brand new when I was here last year, was sitting quietly in his chair when he fell out and bumped his teeth. I picked him up. Joao is an interesting kid. He’s probably around 2, and very quiet. He doesn’t really play with the other kids and almost never smiles. He hangs out in the kitchen while everybody else is playing outside and he will NEVER stop crying when Mama Gloria (one of the tias) is around. Mama Gloria isn’t around on the weekends, but you never hear Joao crying then. Since the last time I was here it looked as though Joao had made no emotional progress whatsoever. It is rare when his face is not drenched in tears. So, as per usual, he was crying again. I don’t know why, but this time he let me pick him up. Usually he doesn’t want anybody to touch him. I picked him up and I brought him upstairs.
The upstairs of the orphanage is home to the Boersmas, so most of the kids are not allowed upstairs unless they’re called up or brought up. It’s a real treat to have time upstairs.
I brought Joao into the family room where Pieter, Rika, and Pedro were playing Catan. I gave Joao some stacking rings and a squeaky turtle to play with. He stopped crying and all of a sudden was stacking rings. I started to play with him. A smile grew. Then laughter. Then he started to share the toys with me. We made lots of noise together.
Sometimes all we need is a hug or someone to play with. With kids, attention is such a necessity and Joao’s attitude completely changed with some one-on-one time. Finally he started to get antsy and I asked him if he was ready to go to bed. With a smile on his face, he shook his head “Yes”. We walked downstairs, and I tucked him in. He closed his eyes with that smile still on his face.
God is good. All the time.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
children's day and others
unfortunately, i might not actually be able to post pictures. it's difficult to upload them because of the internet connection. will try again another day. :(
growing up is hard to do.
this is actually from june 2, because it's hard to get internet around here and i get really really busy. but pictures and further updates will follow. i promise.
June 2, 2011
Growing Up is Hard to Do.
On Saturday we left Mozambique to go to South Africa for a monthly supply trip. Sunday morning we went shopping for some supplies and I tried to get money out but wasn’t able to. My travel card had been rejected at each ATM. Frustration had set in. We got to one last ATM and I put my card in only to have the machine freeze on me with the card inside . My only form of money had just been lost. I fell against the ATM machine and half laughed and half cried. One thing after another it seems here. God is always good though and things always work out for our good. I started to pray. New thing for me. I pray a lot but now it seems that I’m praying “without ceasing”. After several minutes on the phone with the bank who owned the ATM they said they could come the next day but at that point my card would be gone and I would be without money for the rest of the summer.
Rika (one of the missionaries I’m staying with) ended up walking around the back/outside of the machines only to find people putting money in them. They pulled out my card with a little bit of begging. Hallelujah!!! After that and a very stressful 7:30 AM phone call to my parents to try and figure out what was wrong with my card we were back at Petra College (the hotel where we stayed).
I spent my afternoon and evening sort of arguing with Pieter (the other missionary) about theology and missions. To say that this guy shakes my faith a little is an understatement. I ended up questioning a lot of what I believed in and of course ended up in tears for the second time that day. Luckily their friend, Riet was there to listen to my concerns about mission work. Money right now has been my biggest concern. I’m not one to ask people for money—in fact, I really don’t like to ask people for money. A big lesson I’m learning here is that God provides. He really does. Let’s look at the past week here: airline misplaces my bag with my clothes in it, it was returned to me the next day with nothing missing; I lose my ATM card in a machine on a SUNDAY with no hope of getting it back or even getting money out, men happened to be putting money in the machine as I was crying to try and get my card out.
My fears are one thing I have to tackle here. I’m not really afraid of leaving my family or being in a strange place but rather doing it alone; I’m not afraid of doing the work that God has called me to do, but rather whether or not the work will be effective. I tend to be a people pleaser when it comes to missions and most other things. I don’t like to have people upset with me, but there’s a saying that Rika and I found on Monday morning: “I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn’t look too promising.” God has a really good sense of humor. While I’m here I want to bless the missionaries and bless the children. It’s hard to do that when there’s so much to be done, I don’t speak the language and I can’t communicate properly with the kids. When something goes wrong I feel really guilty. Riet tried to work through some of that with me. Performance has been something God has been working on with me for a while. It’s been difficult to break.
Right now, I'm working through the things that have been most damaging in my life. It's hard to minister when you're in a place where you have nothing to give. Mozambique is one of the most spiritually dark places in the world--and I seem to have been stripped of everything that i used as a security blanket. Being emptied means being able to be filled again. I'm praying that I will be filled to overflow and that none of it will have my name on it.
pictures soon!
June 2, 2011
Growing Up is Hard to Do.
On Saturday we left Mozambique to go to South Africa for a monthly supply trip. Sunday morning we went shopping for some supplies and I tried to get money out but wasn’t able to. My travel card had been rejected at each ATM. Frustration had set in. We got to one last ATM and I put my card in only to have the machine freeze on me with the card inside . My only form of money had just been lost. I fell against the ATM machine and half laughed and half cried. One thing after another it seems here. God is always good though and things always work out for our good. I started to pray. New thing for me. I pray a lot but now it seems that I’m praying “without ceasing”. After several minutes on the phone with the bank who owned the ATM they said they could come the next day but at that point my card would be gone and I would be without money for the rest of the summer.
Rika (one of the missionaries I’m staying with) ended up walking around the back/outside of the machines only to find people putting money in them. They pulled out my card with a little bit of begging. Hallelujah!!! After that and a very stressful 7:30 AM phone call to my parents to try and figure out what was wrong with my card we were back at Petra College (the hotel where we stayed).
I spent my afternoon and evening sort of arguing with Pieter (the other missionary) about theology and missions. To say that this guy shakes my faith a little is an understatement. I ended up questioning a lot of what I believed in and of course ended up in tears for the second time that day. Luckily their friend, Riet was there to listen to my concerns about mission work. Money right now has been my biggest concern. I’m not one to ask people for money—in fact, I really don’t like to ask people for money. A big lesson I’m learning here is that God provides. He really does. Let’s look at the past week here: airline misplaces my bag with my clothes in it, it was returned to me the next day with nothing missing; I lose my ATM card in a machine on a SUNDAY with no hope of getting it back or even getting money out, men happened to be putting money in the machine as I was crying to try and get my card out.
My fears are one thing I have to tackle here. I’m not really afraid of leaving my family or being in a strange place but rather doing it alone; I’m not afraid of doing the work that God has called me to do, but rather whether or not the work will be effective. I tend to be a people pleaser when it comes to missions and most other things. I don’t like to have people upset with me, but there’s a saying that Rika and I found on Monday morning: “I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn’t look too promising.” God has a really good sense of humor. While I’m here I want to bless the missionaries and bless the children. It’s hard to do that when there’s so much to be done, I don’t speak the language and I can’t communicate properly with the kids. When something goes wrong I feel really guilty. Riet tried to work through some of that with me. Performance has been something God has been working on with me for a while. It’s been difficult to break.
Right now, I'm working through the things that have been most damaging in my life. It's hard to minister when you're in a place where you have nothing to give. Mozambique is one of the most spiritually dark places in the world--and I seem to have been stripped of everything that i used as a security blanket. Being emptied means being able to be filled again. I'm praying that I will be filled to overflow and that none of it will have my name on it.
pictures soon!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Arrived!
The internet goes in and out so this is from the day I arrived. I'm trying to keep a daily journal to update you all, but sometimes i won't get online quick enough to post. Enjoy.
May 25, 2011
Weak Man
I left yesterday for Mozambique from DC at 2 in the afternoon. 3 and a half hours later I was on a plane to Johannesburg. 8 hours to Dakar, Senegal stop for an hour, 8 hours to Johannesburg. I don’t sleep on planes so it was a little rough. Luckily though, my mom had purchased the new book Heaven is For Real. I read through that on the first wave of plane rides.
I found myself stopping every couple of minutes and staring out the window. Sometimes I wish I was a kid again—something you never think you’ll say when you’re 10 years old. Having child-like faith is a great gift. The world has conditioned me to think that when you pray for something it’s conditional on what you’ve done for God lately, not that God will respond based on how much He loves us. Colton Burpo—a 4 year old who saw heaven for only 3 minutes—would pray to God and he would get his prayers answered. “I prayed for a rainbow yesterday. I’m glad it’s here today.” Sometimes I pray for things and they don’t get answered. Does that mean I don’t have a good dad? Of course not, he’s still a Dad. It’s like a kid in a grocery store wanting each candy bar they pass by. I’m sure Dad wants to spoil his kids rotten, but He knows what’s best, and 20 chocolate bars are not the best thing for a little kid. My problem is knowing which things are the candy bars and which things aren’t. But I guess I won’t know that. All in all though, the thing to remember is that God is good. All the time. All the time.
Each thing that we struggle through in life has a purpose. Each let down, each beautiful moment is a gift from God. A let down=a gift. We learn something through it; we become more mature Christians and able to endure further trials for the glory of the kingdom. Daniel wasn’t tossed into the lion’s den without a little persecution first. James says to rejoice in suffering. I don’t think it’s easy but I want to take that challenge.
Yesterday I arrived in Johannesburg at 10:30 AM our time. I went to the ticketing booth to pick-up my boarding pass for the final trek to Mozambique, an hour flight from Johannesburg. As I approached the ticket booth the officer behind the desk informed me that both of my bags were overweight and that I would need to pay the equivalent of 375 rand ($60) which is not what I was expecting at all! In fact, the one thing I’ve been most concerned about the past couple of days is my baggage. I’m carrying a lot of books for the kids at the orphanage among other things and books are not light. My mom and I measured the bags probably 20 times before I left making sure that each was under the limit so that I would avoid this problem. After no sleep, and what seemed like an unanswered prayer, I broke down at the ticket counter and just cried. I had no idea what to do. I have money, but to spend it on something like bags was not an ideal situation especially since both of my bags were under the weight limit in DC. God has a good sense of humor. A nice man behind me in line happened to be a professor at a school in Atlanta and heard the entire ordeal. I turned from the ticket counter with my boarding pass dreading having to meet the attendant at the gate to pay the 375 rand to get onto the plane with both of my checked bags, but the man stopped me. He informed me that he would speak to the attendant because that was not a rule, nor was it something that he’d ever seen before.
I arrived at the gate only to find another nice man who explained the same situation to me. Both guys found the ticketing officer and spoke to him very sternly about trying to trick me into paying money for bags that were supposed to arrive at my final destination—no questions asked. The poor officer came to me at the gate with the baggage tags and explained that he had fixed the weight on the bags so that they would arrive in Maputo with me. He wished me a good flight with a smile and went on his way. The two nice men made sure that I had all of my belongings and offered me everything you could imagine until I got to Mozambique. Praise the Lord!
Finally, after a delayed flight, I arrived at Mozambique’s airport only to have received one of my bags—and it was the one with just books in it. No clothes, no medication, and none of the gifts that I’d brought for the missionaries. Needless to say I was exhausted, cranky, and an emotionally stressed wreck. I got to the baggage office with tears streaming down my face. Trying to remember that one bag had arrived and at least I had that. I had been praying the whole flight for both bags to be there but something told me I wasn’t going to get both. Sure enough, that’s what happened. Poor Rika and a couple of others who had come to collect me at the airport had waited an hour and a half for me. I’m hoping that we can go back to the airport today and that my bag will be there.
Rejoice in suffering. Pray for rainbows and expect them to happen. Ticketing officials, nice men and lost baggage. Rejoice. God has a sense of humor and there’s something to be learned in this moment. Relying on God is a fun thing—you’ll always be cared for and always be surprised. Pray for me and for the Boersmas who are all ill this week. There’s so much to be done too. I love and miss you all already! J
Amy
Sunday, May 15, 2011
quench the thirst.
this comes from Compelled by Love by Heidi Baker. Page 134-136. This will blow your mind.
"I am the vessel. The draft is God's. And God is the thirsty one."--Dag Hammarskjold
'I know you through and through--I know everything about you. The very hairs of your head I have numbered. Nothing in your life is unimportant to Me. I have followed you through the years, and I have always loved you--even in your wanderings.
I know everyone of your problems. I know your need and your worries. And yes, I know all your sins. But I tell you again that I love you--not for what you have or haven't done--I love you for you, for the beauty and dignity My Father gave you by creating you in His own image.
It is a dignity you have often forgotten, a beauty you have tarnished by sin. But I love you as you are, and I have shed My blood to win you back. If you only ask Me with faith, my grace will touch all that needs changing in your life. I will give you the strength to free yourself from sin and all its destructive power.
I know what is in your heart--I know your loneliness and all your hurts--the rejections, the judgments, the humiliations. I carried it all before you. And I carried it all for you, so you might share My strength and victory. I know especially your need for love--how you are thirsting to be loved and cherished. But how often have you thirsted in vain, seeking that love selfishly, striving to fill the emptiness inside you with passing pleasures--and ending with even more pain. Do you thirst for love? "Come to Me all you who thrist" (John 7:37). I will staisfy you and fill you. Do you thirst to be cherished? I cherish you more than you can imagine to the point of dying on a cross for you.
I thirst for you. Yes, that is the only way to even begin to describe my love for you: I thirst for you. I thirst to love and to be loved by you--that is how precious you are to Me. I thirst for you. Come to Me and I will fill your heart and heal your wounds.
If you feel unimportant in the eyes of the world, that matters not at all. For me, there is no one any more important in the entire world than you. I thirst for you. Open to Me, come to Me, thirst for Me, give Me your life--and I will prove to you how important you are to My heart.
No matter how far you may wander, no matter how often you forget Me, no matter how many crosses you may bear in this life, there is one thing I want you to remember always, one thing that will never change: I thirst for you--just as you are. You don't need to change to believe in My love, for it will be your belief in My love that will change you. You forget Me, and yet I am seeking you every moment of the day--standing at the door of your heart, and knocking.
Do you find this hard to believe? Then look at the cross; look at My heart that was pierced for you. Have you not understood My cross? Then listen again to the words I spoke there--for they tell you clearly why I endured all this for you: "I thirst" (John 19:28). Yes, I thirst for you--as the rest of the Psalm verse, which I was praying says of Me: "I looked for love, and I found none" (Psalm 69:20).
All your life I have been looking for your love--I have never stopped seeking to love and be loved by you. You have tried many other things in your search for happiness; why not try opening your heart to Me, right now, more than you ever have before.
Whenever you do open the door of your heart, whever you come close enough, you will hear Me say to you again and again, not in mere human words but in spirit: "No matter what you have done, I love you for your own sake." Come to Me with your misery and your sins, with your troubles and needs, and with all your longing to be loved. I stand at the door of your heart and knock...Open to Me for I thirst for you.'
wrecked yet?
"I am the vessel. The draft is God's. And God is the thirsty one."--Dag Hammarskjold
'I know you through and through--I know everything about you. The very hairs of your head I have numbered. Nothing in your life is unimportant to Me. I have followed you through the years, and I have always loved you--even in your wanderings.
I know everyone of your problems. I know your need and your worries. And yes, I know all your sins. But I tell you again that I love you--not for what you have or haven't done--I love you for you, for the beauty and dignity My Father gave you by creating you in His own image.
It is a dignity you have often forgotten, a beauty you have tarnished by sin. But I love you as you are, and I have shed My blood to win you back. If you only ask Me with faith, my grace will touch all that needs changing in your life. I will give you the strength to free yourself from sin and all its destructive power.
I know what is in your heart--I know your loneliness and all your hurts--the rejections, the judgments, the humiliations. I carried it all before you. And I carried it all for you, so you might share My strength and victory. I know especially your need for love--how you are thirsting to be loved and cherished. But how often have you thirsted in vain, seeking that love selfishly, striving to fill the emptiness inside you with passing pleasures--and ending with even more pain. Do you thirst for love? "Come to Me all you who thrist" (John 7:37). I will staisfy you and fill you. Do you thirst to be cherished? I cherish you more than you can imagine to the point of dying on a cross for you.
I thirst for you. Yes, that is the only way to even begin to describe my love for you: I thirst for you. I thirst to love and to be loved by you--that is how precious you are to Me. I thirst for you. Come to Me and I will fill your heart and heal your wounds.
If you feel unimportant in the eyes of the world, that matters not at all. For me, there is no one any more important in the entire world than you. I thirst for you. Open to Me, come to Me, thirst for Me, give Me your life--and I will prove to you how important you are to My heart.
No matter how far you may wander, no matter how often you forget Me, no matter how many crosses you may bear in this life, there is one thing I want you to remember always, one thing that will never change: I thirst for you--just as you are. You don't need to change to believe in My love, for it will be your belief in My love that will change you. You forget Me, and yet I am seeking you every moment of the day--standing at the door of your heart, and knocking.
Do you find this hard to believe? Then look at the cross; look at My heart that was pierced for you. Have you not understood My cross? Then listen again to the words I spoke there--for they tell you clearly why I endured all this for you: "I thirst" (John 19:28). Yes, I thirst for you--as the rest of the Psalm verse, which I was praying says of Me: "I looked for love, and I found none" (Psalm 69:20).
All your life I have been looking for your love--I have never stopped seeking to love and be loved by you. You have tried many other things in your search for happiness; why not try opening your heart to Me, right now, more than you ever have before.
Whenever you do open the door of your heart, whever you come close enough, you will hear Me say to you again and again, not in mere human words but in spirit: "No matter what you have done, I love you for your own sake." Come to Me with your misery and your sins, with your troubles and needs, and with all your longing to be loved. I stand at the door of your heart and knock...Open to Me for I thirst for you.'
wrecked yet?
Friday, May 13, 2011
you are strong and you love me.
sometimes i wonder about why we choose the things we do. why do we live the lives we do? as i reflect on the past year i have to ask myself why i chose certain things over others. why i chose to act certain ways and not others. there's not much i can do about the way i behaved, except learn from it.
confession time: i can honestly say that this year was not what i wanted it to be. as i read over these blog posts i see a girl who was radically changed. god's love was a fire in my heart--a desire to do good and to change the world. the problem was that my desire wasn't focused on the eyes of my father or the one who changed my heart. God can teach us wonderful things and give us wonderful gifts. and he has blessed me abundantly--even in my selfishness. this year was about me. me, me, me. what can i do to get an A, or to be friends with that person? what can i do to place top 8 in our conference. what can i do to lose 30 pounds? what can I do to change the world? answer: nothing. this realization that i am nothing without the power of god is a hard lesson to learn.
i can't blame anybody for the way my year went except myself. i've made some pretty rotten mistakes and gone through some pretty insane trials. swim didn't go the way i wanted, polo didn't go the way i wanted. my friendships suffered, my health really suffered. and yet, in the midst of it all God was there. arms wide open. somehow i thought that i could write a paper or swim a mile or make it through a class all by myself. wrong. here's the deal. we need God. in everything. in picking up a cup of coffee, in falling asleep at night, and in eating breakfast.
i haven't fully learned what it means to let the God of creation take over my life, but i'm captivated at the idea that God wants to do this. in my weakness, Christ is my strength. In my strength, Christ is my humility and the person who keeps me standing. when we're in the moment and everything is great it's hard to remember that we do not stand alone, and that our achievements are a gift and a blessing from a great Dad. i know i certainly forget those things.
i'm reading a book by Heidi Baker called Compelled by Love. this book will change your life. I got it for Christmas but i haven't been able to finish it because it's so powerful. I'm almost done, and each time i read it i'm drawn to tears. i want my life to be a reflection of Christ's love. can you look back on your day today and say that each thing you did, each action you took, each word that came out of your mouth was a reflection of Christ? i failed on that one. but God's grace is awesome and His mercies are new everyday.
this is my challenge: live life as love in action. each action each movement isn't to be made unless it's of God with a willingness to reflect His Son. I know i'm not perfect and I'll make mistakes--but what if we really did this as a body? what if our lives were a constant reflection of Christ? when people see me, my broken and bruised body, my achievements (or lack thereof), and my life, i want them to see Jesus.
christ's love is strong, and he loves us (as jon foreman constantly reminds me). pray that today each action we take would be a reflection of a merciful, beautiful and wonderful God. this broken world needs love. sometimes you may be the only reflection of that love that some see. let's change the world through love in action looking toward Christ.
"The work we do is nothing more that a means of transforming our love for Christ into something concrete. I didn't have to find Jesus. Jesus found me and chose me. A strong vocation is based on being possessed by Christ. He is the Life that I want to live. He is the Light that I want to radiate. He is the Love with which I want to love. He is the Joy that I want to share. He is the Peace that I want to sow. Jesus is everything to me. Without Him, I can do nothing."--Mother Teresa
be possessed by Christ.
confession time: i can honestly say that this year was not what i wanted it to be. as i read over these blog posts i see a girl who was radically changed. god's love was a fire in my heart--a desire to do good and to change the world. the problem was that my desire wasn't focused on the eyes of my father or the one who changed my heart. God can teach us wonderful things and give us wonderful gifts. and he has blessed me abundantly--even in my selfishness. this year was about me. me, me, me. what can i do to get an A, or to be friends with that person? what can i do to place top 8 in our conference. what can i do to lose 30 pounds? what can I do to change the world? answer: nothing. this realization that i am nothing without the power of god is a hard lesson to learn.
i can't blame anybody for the way my year went except myself. i've made some pretty rotten mistakes and gone through some pretty insane trials. swim didn't go the way i wanted, polo didn't go the way i wanted. my friendships suffered, my health really suffered. and yet, in the midst of it all God was there. arms wide open. somehow i thought that i could write a paper or swim a mile or make it through a class all by myself. wrong. here's the deal. we need God. in everything. in picking up a cup of coffee, in falling asleep at night, and in eating breakfast.
i haven't fully learned what it means to let the God of creation take over my life, but i'm captivated at the idea that God wants to do this. in my weakness, Christ is my strength. In my strength, Christ is my humility and the person who keeps me standing. when we're in the moment and everything is great it's hard to remember that we do not stand alone, and that our achievements are a gift and a blessing from a great Dad. i know i certainly forget those things.
i'm reading a book by Heidi Baker called Compelled by Love. this book will change your life. I got it for Christmas but i haven't been able to finish it because it's so powerful. I'm almost done, and each time i read it i'm drawn to tears. i want my life to be a reflection of Christ's love. can you look back on your day today and say that each thing you did, each action you took, each word that came out of your mouth was a reflection of Christ? i failed on that one. but God's grace is awesome and His mercies are new everyday.
this is my challenge: live life as love in action. each action each movement isn't to be made unless it's of God with a willingness to reflect His Son. I know i'm not perfect and I'll make mistakes--but what if we really did this as a body? what if our lives were a constant reflection of Christ? when people see me, my broken and bruised body, my achievements (or lack thereof), and my life, i want them to see Jesus.
christ's love is strong, and he loves us (as jon foreman constantly reminds me). pray that today each action we take would be a reflection of a merciful, beautiful and wonderful God. this broken world needs love. sometimes you may be the only reflection of that love that some see. let's change the world through love in action looking toward Christ.
"The work we do is nothing more that a means of transforming our love for Christ into something concrete. I didn't have to find Jesus. Jesus found me and chose me. A strong vocation is based on being possessed by Christ. He is the Life that I want to live. He is the Light that I want to radiate. He is the Love with which I want to love. He is the Joy that I want to share. He is the Peace that I want to sow. Jesus is everything to me. Without Him, I can do nothing."--Mother Teresa
be possessed by Christ.
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