sometimes i wonder about why we choose the things we do. why do we live the lives we do? as i reflect on the past year i have to ask myself why i chose certain things over others. why i chose to act certain ways and not others. there's not much i can do about the way i behaved, except learn from it.
confession time: i can honestly say that this year was not what i wanted it to be. as i read over these blog posts i see a girl who was radically changed. god's love was a fire in my heart--a desire to do good and to change the world. the problem was that my desire wasn't focused on the eyes of my father or the one who changed my heart. God can teach us wonderful things and give us wonderful gifts. and he has blessed me abundantly--even in my selfishness. this year was about me. me, me, me. what can i do to get an A, or to be friends with that person? what can i do to place top 8 in our conference. what can i do to lose 30 pounds? what can I do to change the world? answer: nothing. this realization that i am nothing without the power of god is a hard lesson to learn.
i can't blame anybody for the way my year went except myself. i've made some pretty rotten mistakes and gone through some pretty insane trials. swim didn't go the way i wanted, polo didn't go the way i wanted. my friendships suffered, my health really suffered. and yet, in the midst of it all God was there. arms wide open. somehow i thought that i could write a paper or swim a mile or make it through a class all by myself. wrong. here's the deal. we need God. in everything. in picking up a cup of coffee, in falling asleep at night, and in eating breakfast.
i haven't fully learned what it means to let the God of creation take over my life, but i'm captivated at the idea that God wants to do this. in my weakness, Christ is my strength. In my strength, Christ is my humility and the person who keeps me standing. when we're in the moment and everything is great it's hard to remember that we do not stand alone, and that our achievements are a gift and a blessing from a great Dad. i know i certainly forget those things.
i'm reading a book by Heidi Baker called Compelled by Love. this book will change your life. I got it for Christmas but i haven't been able to finish it because it's so powerful. I'm almost done, and each time i read it i'm drawn to tears. i want my life to be a reflection of Christ's love. can you look back on your day today and say that each thing you did, each action you took, each word that came out of your mouth was a reflection of Christ? i failed on that one. but God's grace is awesome and His mercies are new everyday.
this is my challenge: live life as love in action. each action each movement isn't to be made unless it's of God with a willingness to reflect His Son. I know i'm not perfect and I'll make mistakes--but what if we really did this as a body? what if our lives were a constant reflection of Christ? when people see me, my broken and bruised body, my achievements (or lack thereof), and my life, i want them to see Jesus.
christ's love is strong, and he loves us (as jon foreman constantly reminds me). pray that today each action we take would be a reflection of a merciful, beautiful and wonderful God. this broken world needs love. sometimes you may be the only reflection of that love that some see. let's change the world through love in action looking toward Christ.
"The work we do is nothing more that a means of transforming our love for Christ into something concrete. I didn't have to find Jesus. Jesus found me and chose me. A strong vocation is based on being possessed by Christ. He is the Life that I want to live. He is the Light that I want to radiate. He is the Love with which I want to love. He is the Joy that I want to share. He is the Peace that I want to sow. Jesus is everything to me. Without Him, I can do nothing."--Mother Teresa
be possessed by Christ.
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