"getting it"

I arrived in New Zealand on Saturday (or Friday in the States). We are a full 18 hours ahead, and a topsy-turvy switch of seasons. Here, summer is at its end, and life is beautiful. Everywhere you look you are surrounded by the beauty of majestic mountains and picturesque farmland. Oxford is a small town about 45 minutes from Christchurch. We were welcomed in on Sunday by a wonderful ceremony, which included a Maori Haka. Since then it has been a whirlwind of emotions, duties, and life changes.

My team consists of 6 other beautiful girls, and 7 awesome guys. We have 6 staff team members and it is an amazing group of people. I have to admit that on my 25+ hour travel to New Zealand I was very much nervous about this group of 19. I'm not too keen on spending six months with people I've never met before and trying to live out God's call for my life. But God has really been working on me in the last couple of days--showing me that I can learn from those who I wasn't too sure about and even embrace the challenge of a six-month, intimate stay with some far-away brothers and sisters. I happen to be the only person from the east coast of the U.S.--which makes for some fun differences, but this is a good learning experience.

Our first couple of teachings have been awesome and I'm so pumped to learn more about hearing God's voice for each of us and learning to seek Him in the intimate places. Recently, we've been learning about intercession and worship.

Coming from Grove City and having been a Biblical Studies major, I have to say, unfortunately, that I have an unhealthy chip on my shoulder. BOO. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't learned some of the things I learned in college as it makes me feel like I don't have to listen all the time--like I think I'm better because I've already "learned" this stuff. False. I haven't really learned anything. God is daily giving me new revelations as to what it really means to seek Him and approach His throne with confident reverance.

The first day of worship was an intimate experience. I fell in love with Jesus all over again. I released my anxieties about living in a community of strangers and I fell to my knees in adoration. I remember being younger and thinking I would never, EVER bow to Jesus or the cross because that was just not happening. And here, I find myself stumbling to keep my footing. I am becoming ravished by Him. Worship isn't just having great music or swaying to great beat, it's a place of total freedom and peace with my lover. I didn't get it, and I think there's still a lot of time for me to "get it", as the new phrase around here is "it's all a process". And they're right. This is a process. Our lives as a fragrant offering to Christ is a process. We don't always sound good, but we make a joyful noise. We don't always make the best choices, but when we don't we seek forgiveness and we want more of Jesus.

Intercession has become one of the coolest things I've heard about. I was never really much into prayer and all that business. Yeah, it's all well and good, but I never really thought that a child could ask their dad something with the expectation that Dad would change His mind. My prayers raised up on your behalf can change the heart of God. What an amazing revelation! Prayer is an AWESOME thing. All I want to do right now is sit in Daddy's lap and talk. I want Him to play with my hair as we joke about why He made the platypus or why He chose to breathe His life into us. I could sit there all day and just listen to His breathe. I would pray for you to sit into His lap and enjoy His presence.

I can see God moving, and I can feel the deepest parts of my heart are being reached. Things I never wanted to tell people, the struggles that have kept parts of me in the dark are starting to surface and I am being made new. This is bandaid phase, but there are others who are here, ready to apply all kinds of first aid to keep me on the mend and get me back up again to be repossessed by God. This is a season of growth. This is a season of reaching deep into my soul and getting the ickiest parts out. This is a season of refinement and going through the blaze to be perfected. I feel like a rock that is being chiseled. There will be times of breakage, but God is the great artist.

I pray that you are ravished by Him. That your worship is annointed and that the secret things of your heart are brought out and dealt with so that you can be as close to the Father as ever.

I want to be sculpted, molded, and possessed. I want to be the plethora of colors that engulf the canvas. I want to be spread so thin that the only thing I can fall on is Him. I want to fall in love. I want to fall so deeply in love that there is nothing else that I could possibly want in life. I want to live.

May God bring you through your times of trouble, and make the good ones as sweet as ever. May He whisper sweet nothings into your ear. May you be touched. May you never be the same. Amen.