overwhelmed

June 23, 2011
I sat on the ground with 5 bodies huddled around me. Each smile and laugh unique to a beautiful child with an incredible heart. I’m not a “children’s ministry” person. Shocking that what I felt God leading me to this summer was an orphanage 8500 miles from my home, family, and friends. I’ve learned a lot since being here—God has pushed and pulled me like a piece of taffy in order to mold me into something I thought I couldn’t be.
The truth is, kids are exhausting, no matter where you are. They poop, the hit each other, the make obnoxious noise and sometimes they’re just downright annoying. Patience has become my song. I’m not too good at it, but I’m learning. Today I spent my day at the second house—I live at the first house where most of the kids are housed. I go to the other house Tuesdays and Thursdays to read a Bible story and to do Bible study with the Tias. I’ve come to the realization that God knows exactly what we need even when we have no idea what we need (or want). I sat in a chair outside as the kids began to run around and all of a sudden I feel little fingers underneath my hand. There, in front of me, stands Felipe. A beautiful 3 year old boy with the cutest voice in the world. He says to me—“carregare!” or “pick me up!” Who could resist?
Felipe sat in my lap for a good half an hour and if I didn’t need to stand up, I’m sure he would have been there longer. I asked every few minutes if he wanted to play but he said no and resumed his position—head on my chest, arms wrapped around my waist. Every now and then he’d look up and give me a kiss on the cheek. It’s hard for me to believe that Felipe needed to sit on my lap, or that he really wanted to be there. I, of course, LOVED having him sit there. I found myself thinking—God knows I just need a hug right now, I just need to have this kid sit in my lap and lay his head on my chest. God knows that Felipe needed me to cuddle with him. As simple as that is, and as lame as it may sound, it was a peaceful, beautiful moment.
Later, we took the kids for a walk around the block to just take a peek outside of their corner of the house. Dancing and laughter literally filled the street as we walked around. Every second was full of questions—“what’s that? who’s car is that? where are we going?” Danny, another ridiculously adorable 3 year old ran to me and wrapped his hand around my finger as we walked. Yet again I was filled with peace and love—the kind that can only come from God through a 3 year old .
I’m overwhelmed. To tell you the truth, I don’t think I want to be anything else. Rika says that when you’re overwhelmed that’s when you learn to let God be in complete control—because you clearly can’t be. I’m learning to live overwhelmed—in every way. Overwhelmed by God’s grace, peace, love and gifts to me and overwhelmed by His presence in this place and in my life. This is the way to live—to be so immersed in Him that there is no other way to live. To see life as a challenge in which the only way we can get through is to have God lead the way. I can tell you that prior to coming to Mozambique my life was fueled by trying to perform, impress, and succeed on my own. Whether it was to boast, to gain some kind of image, or to make someone proud of me, it was not the way to live. Here’s the deal: you’re never going to be perfect. You’re going to disappoint someone at some point. You can’t do everything, and you certainly can’t do it alone. My life—and I think most of our lives—are full of aspirations to do our best for the glory of ourselves. Take a second and think about what you did this past week that really brought glory to God and was not primarily for your benefit.
Living overwhelmed means that everything you do goes to the glory of God because there is absolutely no way you could do it on your own. No. way. My lesson: I’m not a children’s ministry person, yet here I am, at an orphanage with all sorts of crazy kids and yet God is being glorified. Kids are getting their cuddle time, and I’m learning to love them the way Jesus does. There isn’t any other explanation for it than to say that Jesus is King, and He has a plan for each of us.
Another thing I’ve been overwhelmed by is the disicipleship that we’ve started. I work with the Tias during nap time. We’re reading through the book of James. The church here is mostly the “health and wealth” gospel which distorts the truth. As we’ve begun reading, I’ve seen God show me how to explain being a servant, showing what it means to have faith through a storm, and what we really need to look at when we go through trials. It’s difficult to minister to women who are twice your age, and have had MUCH more difficult lives. Yet, I’m being ministered to through hearing their stories. It has taken a little while, but today I finally started to learn a little bit about each woman. Abandonment, doubt, separation, loneliness, and loss have characterized most of their lives and yet, here they are. Beautiful, incredible women. I was so thankful for them today.
I’ve found my place here. It’s taken a little while to figure out what I’m doing, and what kind of impact I’m going to make and what I can practically do to minister—but I’ve let that go. Who cares?! Jesus just wants to spend time with us. That’s all he wants. God doesn’t care about my ministry. God cares about me. God cares about you. When we see that and when we learn to care for each other and become overwhelmed with His love for us we see His hands at work.
Nothing I do will “make an impact”. It’s Jesus that makes the impact. Be overwhelmed by that.