growing up is hard to do.

this is actually from june 2, because it's hard to get internet around here and i get really really busy. but pictures and further updates will follow. i promise.

June 2, 2011
Growing Up is Hard to Do.
On Saturday we left Mozambique to go to South Africa for a monthly supply trip. Sunday morning we went shopping for some supplies and I tried to get money out but wasn’t able to. My travel card had been rejected at each ATM. Frustration had set in. We got to one last ATM and I put my card in only to have the machine freeze on me with the card inside . My only form of money had just been lost. I fell against the ATM machine and half laughed and half cried. One thing after another it seems here. God is always good though and things always work out for our good. I started to pray. New thing for me. I pray a lot but now it seems that I’m praying “without ceasing”. After several minutes on the phone with the bank who owned the ATM they said they could come the next day but at that point my card would be gone and I would be without money for the rest of the summer.
Rika (one of the missionaries I’m staying with) ended up walking around the back/outside of the machines only to find people putting money in them. They pulled out my card with a little bit of begging. Hallelujah!!! After that and a very stressful 7:30 AM phone call to my parents to try and figure out what was wrong with my card we were back at Petra College (the hotel where we stayed).
I spent my afternoon and evening sort of arguing with Pieter (the other missionary) about theology and missions. To say that this guy shakes my faith a little is an understatement. I ended up questioning a lot of what I believed in and of course ended up in tears for the second time that day. Luckily their friend, Riet was there to listen to my concerns about mission work. Money right now has been my biggest concern. I’m not one to ask people for money—in fact, I really don’t like to ask people for money. A big lesson I’m learning here is that God provides. He really does. Let’s look at the past week here: airline misplaces my bag with my clothes in it, it was returned to me the next day with nothing missing; I lose my ATM card in a machine on a SUNDAY with no hope of getting it back or even getting money out, men happened to be putting money in the machine as I was crying to try and get my card out.
My fears are one thing I have to tackle here. I’m not really afraid of leaving my family or being in a strange place but rather doing it alone; I’m not afraid of doing the work that God has called me to do, but rather whether or not the work will be effective. I tend to be a people pleaser when it comes to missions and most other things. I don’t like to have people upset with me, but there’s a saying that Rika and I found on Monday morning: “I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn’t look too promising.” God has a really good sense of humor. While I’m here I want to bless the missionaries and bless the children. It’s hard to do that when there’s so much to be done, I don’t speak the language and I can’t communicate properly with the kids. When something goes wrong I feel really guilty. Riet tried to work through some of that with me. Performance has been something God has been working on with me for a while. It’s been difficult to break.

Right now, I'm working through the things that have been most damaging in my life. It's hard to minister when you're in a place where you have nothing to give. Mozambique is one of the most spiritually dark places in the world--and I seem to have been stripped of everything that i used as a security blanket. Being emptied means being able to be filled again. I'm praying that I will be filled to overflow and that none of it will have my name on it.

pictures soon!